Love is Spelled: P O I S O N

Love. The ever fatal illusion that drives us to insanity.

The myth that we fight so hard to make a reality.

The poison fruit we are so eager to die from.

After it blurs our vision and makes us sound dumb.

Love is the cruel curse that Cupid shoots straight through your heart.

The poison arrow stuck there for every one but you to see.

Made of enchanted wood you can't just break apart.

Backward Society

What kind of madness turns children into targets?
Drives a son to kill his nurturing mother?
A giving being who was also a teacher?

What kind of biological glitch tells a child to shoot up their school?
Or even just threaten to take out their fellow students?
Has respect been scrubbed from the hard drive?

What is the sense of blaming guns?
The people holding the guns are the issue!
Certain types of people should be banned from weapons!
Rather than obliterating the "Right to bear arms"
The right to protect our families from harm.

Through Undead Eyes

Broken spirit
Shattered mind
Bleeding heart frozen in time
Dried up tears behind jaded eyes
Incapable of normal human interaction
Any trace of the little girl who had a glimmer of hope
Was long ago erased
Death came for her so early in life
Leaving behind the broken pieces of an undead eleven year old
Creating the illusion of a normal teen in the years to come
Was quite a challenge
She gave up trying at the age of fifteen
Deciding to embrace her darkness
The living around her reacted in harsh criticism
Not even trying to understand her transformation to her true form
She couldn't afford to care
This is who she really is
Masquerading as a living adult
Proves to be impossible for long periods of time
I have a unique prospective as an outsider to the living
The bigger picture is much clearer to me
While the details of human reasoning elude me
They aren't very logical creatures
Common sense and fellow feeling are rarely found among them
Though I have no soul, I can feel the energy around me
So cold, so hateful, so cruel and spiteful
This has to be the loneliest place in the universe
Very little trust
Betrayal and deceit so common it might as well be air
How are these people not suffocating
Drowning in the sorrow they create
How do they survive on so little good
This is something I will never understand
Holding hands with Death is more comforting than
Forming a relationship with the living

I Want To Feel

I want a love that feels like a storm raging in my soul
My heart should feel like a bolt of lightning electrifying every vein
My blood should be set aflame with pure emotion

Melt the ice in my blood
Break through the titanium cage around my heart

Revive the passion that once lived in my soul
Find the spark of hope that is lost and wondering around in the dark
Compel me to see you as my everything that is magical in my life

Somewhere locked away in this fortress I've built around myself
Is the kind, loving, and passionate woman I used to be
Barely hanging on to her last breath
Waiting to either die alone or be brought to life again

Existence

Another day I awaken to my lonely existence.

The pain of this reality is mind-numbing, and almost paralyzing.

My heart can not seem to conjure up any trust to spend.

I have long been unable to think of any reason to keep going.

Still, my existence goes on in torturous agony.

I have no purpose that I have found, and no faith to speak of.

I have never met anyone who truly loved me, nor did I ever feel that anyone ever could.

I suppose I have never truly loved either.

I am not the kind of girl who can blindly keep loving someone when I see a side of them of which I do not approve.

So you see, it is a hopeless cause, this existence of mine.

Though I long to find love, I know I am incapable of loosing myself to it.

I feel as though there is no one on this god-forsaken planet who could really love me anyway.

I am quite certain that I am destined to die alone and unfulfilled.

Looking For a Job to Start My Business

I have arrived at the point in my creative process where I can not advance my plan to start my business until I can find a part time job. It is indeed a fact of life that it takes money to make money. I have nearly finished will all the clothes that I decided to re-vamp and sell. I think I may have mentioned before that I found some great books at the library that guide you through pattern making, jewelry making, and things like that. I kept the list so I can get them again when I have the ability to actually use what I learn. I had no idea how much stuff I would need to get started making all the things I want to make. That is the unfortunate down side of being a dreamer and having a vision of what you want from life.


Until later,

XOXOX

Research & Homework

Lately I have been reading up on things like pattern making, fabrics, tools, and fashion in general. I need to do some more in-person research as well. Last time I found out that my favorite personal style is back in fashion. Very good to know. It makes things much easier in the creative process :). While I love starting fashion trends, rather than following them, I do need to consider the fact that the vast majority of the population simply can't, shan't, or should not wear my personal style. Gothic, Emo, Rocker Chics are a rare breed among women my age. My goal in designing clothing is to make it fun and wearable for, eventually, everyone. Of course not literally everyone will wear my clothes, but I want to make different lines of clothing that appeal to different types of people. Wish me luck!

XOXOX,

Lexi Adams

Road-Block

I haven't been posting my projects as I finish them lately, due to the fact that it is extremely difficult to get perfect angle and lighting when using a built-in laptop camera. As soon as I can get a decent camera, I will be posting everything I have been working on.

Deconstructed Elegance

Vamped & ReVamped is now on facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/v.and.rv.clothes.jewelry

Vampire Beads? o.0

My up and coming line "Vamped" will be launched soon, starting with hand-beaded jewelry! Hopefully as soon as this fall, it will also include my own hand-made clothing!

So far the launch of my "ReVamped" clothing line has met with some awesome feedback and all the pieces I have done are either sold or spoken for. For those of you who don't know, "ReVamped" is the clothing line I started a short while ago, showcasing items from my own closet and from 2nd Hand stores that I modified and brought up-to-date. Thus the name: ReVamped ;)

Once I finish the first batch of jewelry, I will post the pics and prices.

Before & After

Before Shots:

After Shots:

The Launch of My New Clothing Line: Re-vamped

This one is mine:

Size 5 - $30  Sold!

Size 3 - $25  Sold!

Size 5 - $20 Sold!

Spoken For:

The Ups and Downs of Love

As you can tell from my entries, doing the right things in a relationship does not always ensure that it will last. Sometimes we just aren't meant for the person we fall in love with. Or they aren't meant for us. It still hurts, but we can learn from the experience. Make a list (either mentally or literally) of both the things you gained from the relationship, and the things you learned you could live without. In moving forward, remind yourself what things you could have done differently, and what you desire from your next relationship. Then, look for those qualities in your next potential partner, and cultivate the qualities you need to be successful the next time around.

Personally, I am working on defining myself outside of a relationship and work. I have a habit of letting my relationship and job be the definition of who I am. I am nearly 32, and realizing that is what I have done all my life, I want to change that. I am searching for the person I truly am, without the outside influences. That doesn't mean I am not trying to figure out where to find a job. . . I really miss working. It simply means that I will try my best not to let it be my defining point in life.

I hope these posts are helpful to someone out there. If nothing else, I hope it is reassuring that you are not the only one. Blessed be your personal journey.

Love Is Not Enough

With as many failed relationships as I have had, I can honestly say that they all started with love, and ended quite differently. No matter how much love used to be there, the reality of our differences quickly dissolved all hope of making it last. This begs the question: Why is it that I attract, and am attracted to, people who simply are not a good fit for me? Loving someone is such a huge risk! I still have the dream of someday being married, but I, now in my 30s, have to wonder if it will ever happen. Will I ever find the one person who fits into my life and has the same level of love and commitment that I do? I want to marry once and forever. Maybe that just isn't possible anymore.

Yummiest Smoothie Ever!!!

Looking for a quick, delicious dessert without the guilt? You just found it!

1 cup chopped strawberries
3 Tblsp vanilla Greek yogurt (it's fat-free!)
1 Tblsp raw sugar
1 tsp key lime juice
1/4 cup milk (any kind, it's only a 1/4 of a cup!)

Blend until smooth and creamy!

Poem

Wicked Web - Lexology

How To Keep Your Dream Girl

Now that you have a relationship with your dream girl, let's discuss how to take it to the next level. How do you keep your relationship strong? How do you secure her heart for your own?

Rule #11: Make Sure She Feels Loved

Remind her on occasion how much you appreciate her. Tell her what you enjoy about being with her. Tell her if you notice positive changes in yourself that were inspired by your mutual love. Or maybe there are changes you have noticed in her that you find appealing. She needs some indication that you see your relationship progressing and that it means something to you.

Rule #12: Honesty Is Vital

Try not to be rude, or too blunt, but don't sugar coat things so much that the real message is lost. If there's something on your mind or hers, it needs to be openly discussed. Even if it does not directly involve your relationship, it can still effect your relationship. For instance, if one of you is having issues at work, the stress can spill over into your relationship. Let her know about your stresses and successes at work. And allow her to feel comfortable doing the same.

Rule #13: 2 Minds Are Better Than 1

When decisions are made, whether big or small, it is best to consult each other and be on the same page. This will get easier as time goes on and you are more in tune with each other. You may eventually be able to speak on each other's behalf on occasion, knowing their tastes as well as your own.

Rule #14: Nobody Is Perfect

It is unrealistic to expect that your relationship will be perfect, since it is made up of two imperfect people. It is how you deal with each other's imperfections that determines the longevity of your relationship. It is likely that your strengths are her weaknesses and your weaknesses, her strengths. This is ideal, actually. It means you balance each other out.

Rule #15: Treasure Your Love

True love is a rare diamond that is not only hard to find, it is hard to hold on too. Just as a diamond needs to be polished and cared for, so too does your love. Anniversaries are milestones in your life together. Make the most of them by reflecting on what you love about each other, and your life together.

These rules only work if the love between you is mutual, equal, and reasonable. What starts out as attraction, can lead to a happy lifetime of love. You just need to know what path to take.

How To Catch Your Dream Girl: Part 2

In the first post of this series, I listed the first 5 rules to follow if you want to land some dates with your dream girl. These next 5 rules will help you take the next step: exclusive dating. If your goal is to be in a relationship with your dream girl, you need to let her know you are serious about her, without scaring her off!

Rule #6: Ask Her To Be Your Girlfriend

Notice that I did not say "Ask her to stay the night" . When you are in it for the long-run, sex can wait. Make love to her soul, not her body. . . yet. Take her on a sweet, romantic date, and ask her to be your girlfriend. You don't have to get down on one knee for this one. Just look lovingly into her eyes, gently hold her hands, and ask her.

Rule #7: Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

Want your Goddess to see you as a her Greek God (figuratively, don't let that go to your head. either one of them.) ? Good hygiene and a clean car will go a long way! Women love things that smell fresh, or yummy, or intoxicatingly good. A hot shower, deodorant, and just a spritz of cologne.  (Or perfume, if you are a girl as well.) That's all it takes.

Rule #7: You Have the Right To Remain Charming

Don't suddenly loose your charm, and never, ever, get complacent. It is important for both of you to maintain the magical spark that brought you together in the first place. If you are truly in love, it should naturally follow that the relationship will reveal the best versions of you both.

Rule #8: Quality Time

By now you should have some ideas of things you both like to do, that you enjoy doing together. Maybe it's walking through the park and talking. Or, perhaps you like to challenge each other to a Super Smash Bros. match on the Wii. Whatever it is that makes the two of you laugh together, or relax together, is ideal to make time for as often as you can.

Rule #9: Set the Mood

This time I am talking about the first potential sleep-over. Idealistically, at least one of you knows how to cook. If not, I'll get to you in a sec :). Plan a date at your house or hers, and cook a meal together. The way you interact in the kitchen together says a lot about your relationship! When you set the table, make it a candle-lit dinner. Serve a little wine, or sparkling cider. Now for the non-cooks. If cooking would ruin the date, order in some Chinese, or Italian.

Rule #10: 2 Become 1

Let this happen naturally. Subtle invitations are enough. Let her responses to your gentle advances be your guide. Rest your hand on hers for a moment during dinner conversation. Notice proximity of closeness that is comfortable for her in the kitchen. Plan a t.v. show to watch after dinner, and notice how comfortable she is with cuddling up to you. If she seems a little reserved, maybe she isn't quite ready to be intimate.

A lasting relationship is built on trust, respect, love, comfort, communication, and adoration. There must be a balance between you that makes you feel complete when you are together. In the next segment we will discuss how to keep your dream girl. Thanks for reading!

How To Catch Your Dream Girl

I have had more than my share of disappointment, anger, annoyance, pain, and every other negative emotion in one relationship or another. People just don't respect themselves or anyone else anymore. If you truly want to find the woman of your dreams, you have to think like the woman of your dreams. As a woman who knows exactly what I want,  and has had to endure a lot to get it, I want to share some rules about dating.

Rule #1: Be Equally Appealing

Make yourself the kind of person who will attract the kind of girl you want.
If you dream of finding a career oriented woman, you need to be one of two things: an equally career oriented person, or a really supportive homemaker type. You need to put in as much effort as you expect from her.

Rule #2: Look the Part

If you want to land the girl of your dreams, you have to be attractive to the woman of your dreams. Get your ass in shape, eat healthy, dress nicely, clean your house (even when no one is coming over), and be visually appropriate whatever the occasion.

Rule #3: Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

You need to polite, kind, loving, generous, attentive, respectful, honest, open, reliable, and above all: Treat her as you like to be treated.

Rule #4: Show Your Feelings

You have them, use them! Use them properly! Spontaneous, romantic gestures mean the world women. They don't have to be elaborate, they just need to be sincere. If she likes flowers, buy her some once in a while just because you are thinking of her. Hold her hand when you are walking together. Open the door for her. Kiss her on the cheek when the romantic moment happens in the movie. Women in love appreciate the little things that show you truly care for them.

Rule #5: Talk With Her, Not To Her

She is not a child, a pet, or an army grunt. She is a human being with thoughts and feelings of her own. You need to listen to her just as much as you need to share your thoughts and feelings with her.

These first 5 rules are only the beginning. They only open the way for the possibility of a relationship. If you want to know how to start a relationship with this dream girl once you've started dating, you will have to come back later this week! ;)

Movie: The Help

My momma talked me into seeing this movie. I knew it was going to be sad, so I didn't want to. It was an absolutely heartwarming movie, though. I cried most of the movie. Sometimes I could barely see. The cast was absolutely amazing. So much emotion was put into this movie. I am just glad I waited to watch it at home. I hate crying in the theater. This is the kind of movie you watch at home in your jammies with your pillow and tissues and a glass of wine. Great for girl's night in! Later loves!

31 & Single

I often wonder how many women are in a similar situation to mine. A single woman of 31 who longs to be married, but has not found "the one". I honestly didn't mean for that to rhyme. *slight smile* I am one of those women who has always imagined what my wedding day would be like. What my married life would be like. What kind of mother I would make. The kind of wife I would be. The fact that I haven't found anyone to share my life with is beyond discouragingly depressing.

To top it all off, I am a rare model of woman. (I hate using the term "breed". Makes us sound like animals. I prefer car references.) I don't function well when I have to work outside the home. I was made to be a homemaker. Not to be mistaken for a maid, a nanny, or private chef. I don't want to replace anybody's mother, either. Just because I enjoy cooking and cleaning, does not mean it's okay to suddenly turn into a slob and expect me to magically make everything spotless again.

Sorry, a little ranting. Past dating experiences have obviously left me quite bitter. I am sure that other 30-something single women out there can relate.

I guess that perhaps it is my "motherly nature" that attracts immature, insecure guys who will never grow up. Honestly, I have never really liked dating guys. I came from a very religious background (which is not open for discussion) and knew I was expected to date men. I find I am not compatible with men in a relationship. Their egos are far to fragile. Maybe I am a bit crazy, but when a guy is needy, I find it profoundly annoying. Yet when a girl is needy (as long as she's more than a friend) I kinda like it. I realize that statement is just as hypocritical as I hate men for being, but it's just true. Men pride themselves on being tough and manly, yet they are the biggest babies on the planet.

If I am not alone in this kind of frustration, leave a comment or send a message and tell me your story.

Rage

Rage pulses through my soul like an electrical force
Seeking to devour anyone who crosses me
To crush their spirit for their betrayal
Their eyes are empty of any feeling
Yet overflowing with deception
My blood is full of rage and
The only way to cure it
Is to bleed it all out

Dying Love

Love lies bleeding in a dark icy dungeon
Life fading quickly
Sanity long lost
Comfort out of reach
Hope vanished from sight
Trust was just a myth
Truth was rarely heard
This life was just a masquerade
No one was who they seemed
Was it a nightmare?
Or just a bad dream?
Love has grown cold
Blood is freezing in her veins
Her last breath is haunting
Her last tear froze on her cheek

Dream of Love

Love is like a dream
Always just out of reach
The feeling is so vivid
Yet the reality is elusive
The harder we search
The better it hides
The more we want it
The less likely it will happen
I sometimes wish I would
Never wake up
That I could live in a
Daydream forever

What Love Should Feel Like

A warm, gentle breeze caressing your skin

Soft warm lips kissing your neck

Comforting arms wrapped around you

Holding you close

Cherishing each moment together

Loving glances from across the room

Silent, peaceful moments when a look says it all

Walking arm in arm through the park

Watching the sun set over the river

Naturally becoming a better version of yourself

Personal growth, through mutual love

That sense of security

Knowing that, if all other hope is lost

They will be the one person you can count on

Who will be there for you no matter what

Every day would be a blessing

Knowing that you are getting as much as you are giving

One can not expect a happy relationship

If they are not putting effort into it

Trying This Out

I have had 2 other blogs before, and suddenly both communities just stopped reading and commenting on my work. BORING! I want feedback! I read and comment on other people's blogs, and I would like the same in return. I am not afraid of constructive criticism. Keyword here: constructive. Thanks for reading :)