Backward Society

What kind of madness turns children into targets?
Drives a son to kill his nurturing mother?
A giving being who was also a teacher?

What kind of biological glitch tells a child to shoot up their school?
Or even just threaten to take out their fellow students?
Has respect been scrubbed from the hard drive?

What is the sense of blaming guns?
The people holding the guns are the issue!
Certain types of people should be banned from weapons!
Rather than obliterating the "Right to bear arms"
The right to protect our families from harm.

Through Undead Eyes

Broken spirit
Shattered mind
Bleeding heart frozen in time
Dried up tears behind jaded eyes
Incapable of normal human interaction
Any trace of the little girl who had a glimmer of hope
Was long ago erased
Death came for her so early in life
Leaving behind the broken pieces of an undead eleven year old
Creating the illusion of a normal teen in the years to come
Was quite a challenge
She gave up trying at the age of fifteen
Deciding to embrace her darkness
The living around her reacted in harsh criticism
Not even trying to understand her transformation to her true form
She couldn't afford to care
This is who she really is
Masquerading as a living adult
Proves to be impossible for long periods of time
I have a unique prospective as an outsider to the living
The bigger picture is much clearer to me
While the details of human reasoning elude me
They aren't very logical creatures
Common sense and fellow feeling are rarely found among them
Though I have no soul, I can feel the energy around me
So cold, so hateful, so cruel and spiteful
This has to be the loneliest place in the universe
Very little trust
Betrayal and deceit so common it might as well be air
How are these people not suffocating
Drowning in the sorrow they create
How do they survive on so little good
This is something I will never understand
Holding hands with Death is more comforting than
Forming a relationship with the living

I Want To Feel

I want a love that feels like a storm raging in my soul
My heart should feel like a bolt of lightning electrifying every vein
My blood should be set aflame with pure emotion

Melt the ice in my blood
Break through the titanium cage around my heart

Revive the passion that once lived in my soul
Find the spark of hope that is lost and wondering around in the dark
Compel me to see you as my everything that is magical in my life

Somewhere locked away in this fortress I've built around myself
Is the kind, loving, and passionate woman I used to be
Barely hanging on to her last breath
Waiting to either die alone or be brought to life again

Existence

Another day I awaken to my lonely existence.

The pain of this reality is mind-numbing, and almost paralyzing.

My heart can not seem to conjure up any trust to spend.

I have long been unable to think of any reason to keep going.

Still, my existence goes on in torturous agony.

I have no purpose that I have found, and no faith to speak of.

I have never met anyone who truly loved me, nor did I ever feel that anyone ever could.

I suppose I have never truly loved either.

I am not the kind of girl who can blindly keep loving someone when I see a side of them of which I do not approve.

So you see, it is a hopeless cause, this existence of mine.

Though I long to find love, I know I am incapable of loosing myself to it.

I feel as though there is no one on this god-forsaken planet who could really love me anyway.

I am quite certain that I am destined to die alone and unfulfilled.

Looking For a Job to Start My Business

I have arrived at the point in my creative process where I can not advance my plan to start my business until I can find a part time job. It is indeed a fact of life that it takes money to make money. I have nearly finished will all the clothes that I decided to re-vamp and sell. I think I may have mentioned before that I found some great books at the library that guide you through pattern making, jewelry making, and things like that. I kept the list so I can get them again when I have the ability to actually use what I learn. I had no idea how much stuff I would need to get started making all the things I want to make. That is the unfortunate down side of being a dreamer and having a vision of what you want from life.


Until later,

XOXOX

Research & Homework

Lately I have been reading up on things like pattern making, fabrics, tools, and fashion in general. I need to do some more in-person research as well. Last time I found out that my favorite personal style is back in fashion. Very good to know. It makes things much easier in the creative process :). While I love starting fashion trends, rather than following them, I do need to consider the fact that the vast majority of the population simply can't, shan't, or should not wear my personal style. Gothic, Emo, Rocker Chics are a rare breed among women my age. My goal in designing clothing is to make it fun and wearable for, eventually, everyone. Of course not literally everyone will wear my clothes, but I want to make different lines of clothing that appeal to different types of people. Wish me luck!

XOXOX,

Lexi Adams

Road-Block

I haven't been posting my projects as I finish them lately, due to the fact that it is extremely difficult to get perfect angle and lighting when using a built-in laptop camera. As soon as I can get a decent camera, I will be posting everything I have been working on.