Thinking Out Loud

Do you ever feel like you are never going to find what you are looking for? Like you are destined to die alone and unfulfilled? Do you ever feel like you are the only one in the world that has old fashioned values? The only one to notice that common sense is an endangered quality, and marriage is the new dating? Or worse, marriage doesn't hold any value at all. Some view it as simply an unnecessary formality and a piece of paper. I may be cursed and damned, but at least I still have some semblance of values and tradition. Finding a decent partner with such is next to impossible. I find that people who have good qualities about them, aren't ready to settle down, and may not share the same long term goals. Those who share the same goals and want to settle down, lack the qualities that would make them desirable. Just something that has been on my mind.

Random Happy Thought

I love the curious wonder of being on the verge of feeling more than friendship with someone. I can't say too much, so as not to jinx it, but I will say that I think I've made a friend who may be a good match as well. I've finally grown to hate the feeling of falling for someone too quickly. The feeling ends just as suddenly as it began. It is nice to be in a situation that is low-key and moving slow, but not too slow. It's like driving a stick-shift car, and it feels like it's almost time to switch gears and drive just a little faster.

Eyes and Lenses

Eyes can see many things
Many details within the world around us
The mind's eye can see memories, clues
Things the eyes may not have noticed
The heart sees through glasses
With either rose-colored, or dark and foggy lenses
Now it may sound as though the heart has the most tainted way of seeing
However, that is not always true
You see, the rose colored lenses magnify the good in those we care about
Good, which others may not readily see
The dark and foggy lenses, magnify the bitter truth
The things in life that most would rather forget
The side of people that no one wants to see
Our sight works best when these four eyes and two lenses are used together
Forming a complete picture of the entire situation with all the facts
Allowing you to weigh good and evil
To see which one out weighs the other

A Little Simple Single Something

Something small to you can have a huge impact on someone else
Something random can effect the rest of your life

A single word has the power to light a spark of hope
A single look has the power to melt away a bit of pain
A simple touch can mean the world
To someone who needs to know you care
A simple smile can chase the fog away
A little kindness can go a long way
A little forgiveness can change everything

Losing . . . New Year's . . . . . Mornings

I find myself losing my sense of loyalty. If someone isn't showing that I am as important to them, as they are to me, I simply stop caring. If they don't find it important enough to tell me plans have changed, or even for sure if there are plans or not, why should I find it important to tell them, "This isn't working for me." ? They will figure it out on their own eventually, right? That's what they seem to expect of me, so why not?

I hardly ever see this person anyway. They are always gone doing something. We've know each other for a few months now and can still count the number of times we've seen each other on one hand. The first 3 times were right in a row and that was when we first met and were just friends. The third day it turned into a little more. The 1 time after that, it turned into friends with benefits and we had tentative New Year's Eve plans. Plans which were never confirmed nor denied, so I made other tentative plans. This person did call on New Years Eve, but I was in the shower and they didn't leave a voice mail. I returned the call anyway. No answer. About an hour later, I sent a text trying to find out what the call was about. I believe it was an hour after that when they texted back. No mention of the tentative plans. They just wanted to know what I was doing.

Unfortunately, the other tentative plans didn't happen either. I wasn't feeling well by then, so I was okay watching Enchanted at home. I had already started deciding the friend with benefits wasn't going to work much longer. We were supposed to see each other soon after the last time we saw each other, but some family stuff came up. (Grandparents/Parents kind of stuff. I'm not "the other woman", sheesh!) I might have never known, had I not texted him to find out if we were still going see each other.

I don't want to be someone's afterthought. Just something fun to think about when they aren't busy living life. I want someone who wants me to be part of their life. From the first cup of coffee in the morning, to the last kiss just before we fall asleep in each other's arms at night. Not that I want to spend every single moment of everyday together. Aside from work hours, it's good to have some time with friends or to one's self sometimes. I just want someone I am happy to wake up with in the morning. Someone who is equally happy to wake up with me.

Randomly Me

A mystery with clues that no one gets
A puzzle with jagged pieces that don't seem to fit
My brain is outside the box, yet my heart stays in it
Unable to face the world without falling apart
Incapable of a full range of emotions
An icy heart may burn with passion
But what's left is a puddle of water
Worse yet, is when a passionate heart freezes
It shatters into millions of tiny pieces
Becoming a question with too many answers
Why are people so complicated and unfathomable?
How are the things that seem so simple in my head
So completely unattainable and twisted instead?
I feel like I speak plain English
Yet from the confused reactions I get
You would think I speak in algebraic expressions
Am I some sort of alien in human female form?

New Year

As a new year begins, new hope is born
Hope of resembling a little closer, the person you strive to become
Hope of discovering the person you are meant to be with
Hope of fixing the things you dislike in your life
While holding close the things you treasure most
Happy New Year everyone!
May your hopes become your reality in this new year!